Something about winter nights makes them memorable, something about the way you stood there hands safely tucked away from the cold in the pockets of the gray jacket I love to steal from you when we see late movies. Maybe it is the sad eyes behind those glasses, the smile you managed for my benefit. The way your car stereo has the sound balanced to the rear speakers so that it felt like Natalie Grant was singing from the back seat as we rode under the amber glow of the street lights. I wish you didn't feel the need to be so strong around me, because I hear it when you sigh. And I know that this song still makes you cry, and we don't have to do this; you staring out in to the night blinking away the emotion that tries to fill your eyes and me faking oblivion to the heaviness in your heart, toying with the wooden bracelet on my wrist as though I didn't feel everything you felt. Winter nights are a battle, raging between the biting temperatures outside and the warmth we have inside. Your hot chocolate in my cup, your head on my shoulder, salty tears fall on my lap. There are no words to say, you know I understand in every way. You will not remember the soft feel of this blanket on your skin, or the the jazz play list I left on repeat so that you could sleep. You will remember a comforting release, and that when the battle rages, by fighting together we will win.
"The Promise was when everything fell we'd be held"-Natalie Grant lyric.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Sunday, November 23, 2008
A note to Naresh
12 reasons why you shouldn't have moved to Maryland
1. I can't quite afford John Hopkins tuition, so my tiny university is going to have to suffice.
2.I haven't had curry chicken in sooo long.
3.No one is force feeding me breakfast anymore. I've lost the 3 pounds you had me gain.
4.I don't have anyone to sit and dream with in the coffee shop.
5. I loved it when you washed my hair.
6.Now how else will I find out the cute boys names before the end of the first day of school?
7.Strawberry sundaes don't taste the same when you are not speeding down the street trying to kill me .
8. I'm scared you might get tired of the hysterical voicemail I leave.
9. I really miss your ass.
10. really.
11. It is almost pathetic.
12.Infact it is.
1. I can't quite afford John Hopkins tuition, so my tiny university is going to have to suffice.
2.I haven't had curry chicken in sooo long.
3.No one is force feeding me breakfast anymore. I've lost the 3 pounds you had me gain.
4.I don't have anyone to sit and dream with in the coffee shop.
5. I loved it when you washed my hair.
6.Now how else will I find out the cute boys names before the end of the first day of school?
7.Strawberry sundaes don't taste the same when you are not speeding down the street trying to kill me .
8. I'm scared you might get tired of the hysterical voicemail I leave.
9. I really miss your ass.
10. really.
11. It is almost pathetic.
12.Infact it is.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Sense and Insanity
Isn’t it sad?
The ridiculous effort,
We make
To live…
A life in which
Every day we die a little,
When it gets too much,
We might hide in the contents of a bottle,
Scream at each other,
Fight over things that mean so little,
Hold on to what we will not remember in the end,
Stress about what we save, what we spend
Of sense and insanity we make a funny blend
The ridiculous effort,
We make
To live…
A life in which
Every day we die a little,
When it gets too much,
We might hide in the contents of a bottle,
Scream at each other,
Fight over things that mean so little,
Hold on to what we will not remember in the end,
Stress about what we save, what we spend
Of sense and insanity we make a funny blend
Thursday, November 13, 2008
How Lame!
Living in a small uninspiring city has a few perks. One of which is the ever available excuse for the lame things to which you might turn for entertainment.
a) Tuesday night Karaoke at Apple Bees:
Karaoke is not lame. It’s a lot of fun actually. What is lame is the average size white dude, probably late thirties. Has hair everywhere except his head. When he gets the microphone he starts to do Fergie. “my lovely lady lumps, check it out” It bothers me that I really enjoy this. But like I said, I am in a small uninspiring city.
b) I googled myself. No really, the little sister googled me after I begged her to so I wouldn’t have to deal with the implications of googling myself.
What did I find? The deans list. How inspiring.
c) Sweet Valley High/University:
I am too old for Wakefield twins, no doubt. So we will not even argue about that. But, the SVH books are only like $5.99 and SVU are $12.99 but they have thriller editions in Target and lets face it, those kids have lives, fictious lives albeit, they don’t sit around and google themselves.
d)No he will not balance the budget:
I have been sucked into one too many political discussions as it is. I was supposed to be in the political grandstand of life, watching unaffected as the drunks do their dance, but somehow I find myself defending causes I know nothing about. How do I explain how I got here, except for the always available excuse?
Aside:
-cherry kool aid sucks.
-I am mad at the world!
-strawberry cheesecake for president.
a) Tuesday night Karaoke at Apple Bees:
Karaoke is not lame. It’s a lot of fun actually. What is lame is the average size white dude, probably late thirties. Has hair everywhere except his head. When he gets the microphone he starts to do Fergie. “my lovely lady lumps, check it out” It bothers me that I really enjoy this. But like I said, I am in a small uninspiring city.
b) I googled myself. No really, the little sister googled me after I begged her to so I wouldn’t have to deal with the implications of googling myself.
What did I find? The deans list. How inspiring.
c) Sweet Valley High/University:
I am too old for Wakefield twins, no doubt. So we will not even argue about that. But, the SVH books are only like $5.99 and SVU are $12.99 but they have thriller editions in Target and lets face it, those kids have lives, fictious lives albeit, they don’t sit around and google themselves.
d)No he will not balance the budget:
I have been sucked into one too many political discussions as it is. I was supposed to be in the political grandstand of life, watching unaffected as the drunks do their dance, but somehow I find myself defending causes I know nothing about. How do I explain how I got here, except for the always available excuse?
Aside:
-cherry kool aid sucks.
-I am mad at the world!
-strawberry cheesecake for president.
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
...
"I need to know if you were real, because I have been known to get it wrong"
Vertical Horizon-Give You Back Lyrics
Winter days are dark literally. And I have been walking along a road to no where. The signs were posted everywhere, but the trouble is when it is dark you can't read them.
22 and life is so clear and yet so confusing. How can we be so sure when we don't know a thing? Why do we try if all is vanity? We ought to know better than to trust the drama that is humanity, but we do, somehow. Our faith in each other and ourselves doesn't ever completely disappear. And these circles, we run around in them, like kittens chasing their own tails, so cute, but so pointless. Eventually we wear, turn around and look, and there is no body there.
At the end of the day, we are in charge of how we respond to this roller coaster ride.
Tonight, I have the soft silky blackness of my sheets to sink in, to hide from the unanswered questions;a temporary relief from the confusion, but tomorrow I will still have to fight these little wars without ripping away the fabric of my sanity.
And somewhere along the way; I need to know if you were real.
Vertical Horizon-Give You Back Lyrics
Winter days are dark literally. And I have been walking along a road to no where. The signs were posted everywhere, but the trouble is when it is dark you can't read them.
22 and life is so clear and yet so confusing. How can we be so sure when we don't know a thing? Why do we try if all is vanity? We ought to know better than to trust the drama that is humanity, but we do, somehow. Our faith in each other and ourselves doesn't ever completely disappear. And these circles, we run around in them, like kittens chasing their own tails, so cute, but so pointless. Eventually we wear, turn around and look, and there is no body there.
At the end of the day, we are in charge of how we respond to this roller coaster ride.
Tonight, I have the soft silky blackness of my sheets to sink in, to hide from the unanswered questions;a temporary relief from the confusion, but tomorrow I will still have to fight these little wars without ripping away the fabric of my sanity.
And somewhere along the way; I need to know if you were real.
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